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Something to Offend Everyone

What's the best form of birth control after 50?
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
45 lb.
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
45 minutes.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive,
caring, and good looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
Why does the bride always wear white?
The stove and refrigerator should always match the dishwasher
A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who
has the biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
Beer Nuts are $1 and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Kentucky?
Everyone has the same DNA.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than
the other?
A speech impediment.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of
the cage along with a recipe.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row row row your boat.
What's the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a
Southern fairy tale?
A Northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time." A Southern
fairy tale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this.


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