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Daily Dosage of Zen........
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me the hell
alone.
2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken
fan belt and a leaky tire.
3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to
steal your neighbour's newspaper, that's the time to do
it.
4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't
getting any.
5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you
can't be promoted.
6. No one is listening until you fart.
7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone
else.
8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.
10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes.
11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.
12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach
him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person
again, it was probably worth it.
14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember
anything.
15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the
windshield.
16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of
that comes from bad judgment.
18. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it
in half and put it back in your pocket.
19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
20. Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and
a dark side, and it holds the universe together
21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither
one works.
22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when
your lips are moving.
23. Experience is something you don't get until just
after you need it.
24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
25. We are born naked, wet, and hungry, and get slapped
on our ass ...
then things get worse. |
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