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CAROLINA LAW:
(This actually happened in the mid-1980's)
In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, on the Bible, asked
if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the
truth, so help her God.
The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the
grandmother type, well-spoken and poised. The prosecuting
attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you
know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a
big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate
people and talk badly about them behind their backs. You think
you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize
you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few minutes.
Then, slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and
jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented
every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley
since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad
drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal
relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst
in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with
three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping
downward in his chair, looking at the floor.
Laughter mixed with gasps thundered throughout the court room and
the audience was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge
brought the courtroom to silence, and called both counselors to
the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you
crooked bastards asks her if she knows me, you'll be thrown in
the jail for contempt!"
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