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Most of us have learned to live with
"voice mail" as now a necessary
part of our daily lives. But have you ever
wondered what it would
be like if God decided to install voice mail?
Imagine praying and
hearing the following:
Thank you for calling Heaven. Please select one of the following
Press 1 for Requests
Press 2 for Thanksgiving
Press 3 for Complaints
Press 4 for all other inquiries
I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are
busy helping other
sinners right now. However, your prayer is important
to us and we
will answer it In the order it was received. Please stay on
If you would like to speak to:
God, Press 1
For Jesus, Press 2
For the Holy Spirit, Press 3
If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm
while you are
holding, Press 4
To find a loved one that has been assigned to
Heaven, Press 5,
then enter his or her social security number, followed by the
sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try
For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N
followed by the
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the
earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please
you arrive. Our computers show that you have already prayed today.
Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
This office is now closed for the weekend to observe
holiday. Please pray again on Monday, after 9:30a.m.
If you are
calling after hours and need emergency assistance,
please contact your local pastor.
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