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Most of us have learned to live with "voice mail" as now a necessary
    part of our daily lives. But have you ever wondered what it would
    be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and
    hearing the following:

Thank you for calling Heaven. Please select one of the following
    options:
     Press 1 for Requests
     Press 2 for Thanksgiving
     Press 3 for Complaints
     Press 4 for all other inquiries

    I am sorry, all of our angels and saints are busy helping other
   sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we
will answer it  In the order it was received. Please stay on the line.

If you would like to speak to:
   God, Press 1
   For Jesus, Press 2
   For the Holy Spirit, Press 3
   If you would like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you are
   holding, Press 4
   To find a loved one that has been assigned to Heaven, Press 5,
then enter his or her social security number, followed by the pound
sign. (If you receive a negative response, please hang up and try area
code 666.)
   For reservations at Heaven, please enter J-O-H-N followed by the
numbers 3-1-6.
For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the
earth, life on other planets, and where Noah's Ark is, please wait until
you arrive. Our computers show that you have already prayed today.
Please hang up and try again tomorrow.
   This office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious
   holiday.  Please pray again on Monday, after 9:30a.m.  If you are
   calling after hours and need emergency assistance,
   please contact your local pastor.

___________________________________________________

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